OK, calling this a “lost art” is a bit of hyperbole, because there are some people who actually rest these days. But I don’t believe most people do it anymore.
I could rail about the age of distraction (I’ve done that before), and social media and devices. Yada yada, you’ve heard it from me and many others. But whatever the reason is, we rarely rest anymore.
Think about it: when you get a break, what do you normally do? Go on your phone or computer? Check messages or social media or your favorite websites? Watch video online? That’s how most people spend their breaks — myself included. I’m part of this.
What happens when you’re done with work for the day? That’s if you’re ever done — many of us will work practically until we are falling asleep, if we’re allowed to. But if you’re done, do you read and watch and message online? Most people I know do that.
When do we ever truly rest, not only our bodies but our minds?
We need it. We really need it.
The lack of true rest creates a drainedness, where we’re never really fully energized, fully present, fully alive. It means that our relationships start to lack energy and connection. It means we sap the joy out of our lives. That might not be true for you, but you might relate to it somewhat.
I have caught myself taking breaks or finishing for the day, only to get on my phone or laptop for mindless stuff. It feels like the thing I want to do when I have rest time … but it’s not really rest. I don’t feel refreshed afterward, only more drained. It feels like I’m going to comfort, but not getting the rest I really need.
So let’s talk about the Lost Art of True Rest, and how to rediscover it.
Four Kinds of True Rest
For me, there are a handful of ways to rest that feel very nourishing and replenishing:
Closing my eyes, lying down, and doing nothing. This might or might not result in a nap. It might be more meditation. But I’m not reading, doing, watching. More on this below.
Going outside without using a device. Connecting to nature. Most likely in solitude. Letting my mind have some mental and physical space.
Relaxing with someone else. Feeling connection with them. This can’t be a very active conversation — if we’re talking, it has to be something that makes us feel connected, relaxed. We might just be cuddling without conversation.
Being fully present with a simple non-work activity, like having tea. This isn’t a time to think about work, though those thoughts might arise. It’s about nothing other than having the tea. Relaxing with the experience. Savoring it. Soaking in a bath or having a spa day is another example.
There are probably other ways to truly rest. Playing music, creating art, dancing, perhaps. But these four are my favorite.
You’ll notice that you don’t need much for these kinds of true rest — no equipment or devices (maybe tea if you have it), no special spaces (other than nature, if it’s available). It’s simple stuff.
We just forget to do it!
How to Truly Relax
When I’m feeling tired and I have a meeting coming up, I’ll drop everything else, and go lie down on a bed or couch. Set aside my devices. Close my eyes and get comfortable. Then I really relax.
When I say “really relax,” I mean more than we usually relax. I scan my body for any tension, and relax it. Then I scan some more, and relax that. I will usually notice small micro-muscles tensed in my chest area, in my abdomen, in my head. Sometimes its in the center of my body, right in front of my spine. I let those muscles completely relax.
The more I relax, the more I find other micro-muscles that aren’t relaxed, and I relax those. Sometimes it’s like my face is falling off my head, because everything starts sinking towards the earth.
I find that muscles will tense up as I start having thoughts. So I notice that, and relax them again. Over and over — thought and tense, notice and relax. It’s like savasana, if you’re a yogi.
I usually fall asleep. I have to set a timer a few minutes before my meeting so I don’t sleep through it! But sometimes I don’t sleep — it’s still incredibly restful to do this.
How to Relax While Doing Something Simple
Having a cup of tea, going for a walk, taking a bath … you can relax while doing something. You don’t have to be lying down, closing your eyes.
The key is to make this the one thing that you’re doing. Single-task. Be all in with this task, instead of jumping around.
Give the activity your full focus. Really be with the cup of tea, or with your walk. Do it slowly, with relaxation, savoring the activity.
“Drink your tea slowly and reverently, as if it is the axis on which the world earth revolves – slowly, evenly, without rushing toward the future.”
That quote sums up the approach. You can do it with anything, not just drinking tea. Be fully immersed.
A Powerfully Simple Practice
With those relaxation approaches in mind … I’ll leave you with a simple but really powerful practice:
When you’re done with something, pause and notice if you need rest. Are you tired? Are you craving true rest?
If so, give yourself a few moments of true rest. Not checking your phone, not reading or watching online, not taking care of small tasks. True rest. One of the things discussed above, or your version of true rest.
Ask yourself this throughout the day. You might find that you need true rest more than you realize.